


Your Heart of Gold

by eevoch



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Injury, Delic is there for like 2 seconds, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eevoch/pseuds/eevoch
Summary: Tsuki receives a rather unexpected 3am phone call from Roppi. In the wake of an emergency, he knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for him.
Relationships: Hachimenroppi/Tsukishima (Durarara!!)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Your Heart of Gold

**Author's Note:**

> hiii all 2 people who still care about the shizaya alts!! um, i wanna preface this rn with another trigger warning for the aftermath of self-harm and a description of blood and injuries. self-harm is a very serious topic and i wanted to handle it respectfully and i didnt just write it to have an "edgy" fic. recovery isnt one smooth sailing trip even after you start and relapsing is always a possibility. the important part is that its not what makes you give up and you still try to be strong and continue healing. and if you ever need help please contact an emergency hotline and just know that your life is worth living and you are worth loving. and while this is fiction i still tried to handle such a subject carefully and respectfully. (also to note, im not an expert on wrapping injuries but i hope i did enough research so that it doesnt come off too unrealistic)
> 
> some extra details: tsuki refers to roppi as "hachi" throughout this fic simply because i wanted to establish that his relationship with roppi is significant enough that he came up with a different nickname/shortened version of his name for him  
> roppi is also stated to be a photographer while psyche and delic are pop idols, and all the alts are related and related to shizuo and izaya respectively, sure that might not make a ton of sense but im using the excuse of "when does anything in this series make sense"  
> and finally, this was my first time ever writing the alts in a fic so hopefully they arent too out of character skdjksjdk

Tsuki's phone rang at the strangest time, 3am could be considered strange enough for him, at least. He heard Delic's irritated grumble, and a pillow was chucked at his head, prompting him to get up. His eyes blinked slowly as he registered the bright phone screen shining with Roppi's sweet face, half hidden by his hand. It was the closest image he had to Roppi smiling. He answered it without a second thought.

"Hachi?" He muttered sleepily, a yawn catching in his throat. "What's goin' on?" The only response on the other line was shaky breathing, and slight hiccups. "Hachi?" Tsuki was more awake now, a spike of anxiety shooting through him.

 _"I'm sorry, Tsuki, I'm so sorry."_ The sniffled words shook and cracked; Roppi never began a sentence with an apology, unless…

Unless he got himself hurt again.

"W-where are you right now, Hachi? You at home?" Tsuki couldn't stop the tremors that ran through his body, flicking on the lamp beside his bed to look for his scarf and glasses.

 _"Closet. Too small. I'm sorry, Tsuki."_ Roppi sounded like he was suffocating, it broke Tsuki's heart to hear such a sweet voice sound so sad.

Delic was sitting up across the room from him now, looking at Tsuki with confusion and concern. Tsuki didn't spare him a glance. "No, no, d-don't apologize, Hachi. Stay on the phone with me, 'kay? I'm on my way right now, so don't hang up, 'kay?" Tsuki made a silencing motion with his hand, silently ordering Delic to not mention anything about this to Psyche or the others. 

_"I really fucked up, Tsuki. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened."_ Roppi breathed shakily from over the phone, his throat closing up with tears. This wasn't the first time Tsuki had dealt with this situation, but he hadn't for a while. Roppi had improved a lot from when Tsuki had first met him, but as with every recovery, there would be occasional hiccups. 

"It's okay, Hachi. You have nothing to be sorry for, I promise. I'm going out the door right now." Tsuki cursed in his mind when he realized he left the apartment in Delic's shoes. They were an obnoxious white with pink soles. The damned things even glowed in the dark. Tsuki didn't bother going back in to get his own; the situation at hand far more dire than accidentally putting on his brother's shoes. "You wanna tell me what you did today, Hachi? What'd you have for lunch?" He asked, trying to draw Roppi's mind from the intense panic he probably felt right now. 

Roppi hissed in what was probably pain, shuffling around for a second. _"Takeout soup, was editing some photos for Psyche and Delic. Came out fine, they look fine."_

"That's good, your pictures always look so good, Hachi. I wish I had that talent." Tsuki was grateful the streets were mostly empty this time of the morning, making a brisk walk over to where Roppi's apartment was that he shared with Psyche. But, Psyche was on a mini-tour right now, without Delic, strangely enough, leaving Roppi by himself each night. 

_"Don't tell Psyche, they're supposed to be- be a surprise."_ Roppi's words cut off with a choked sob, and Tsuki heard his rasping inhale, and the deep breathing he tried to use to steady himself. _"For when he gets back. Fuck, Tsuki, I can't do this."_

Tsuki neared Roppi's apartment, thankful he inherited the stamina to keep him going at this rate. "Yes, yes you can. Hachi, if anyone can do anything, it's you, 'kay? Psyche's going to love those pictures, and Delic's gonna be over the moon. So don't worry about that, 'kay? I'm almost there, don't let go." Tsuki sprinted over to the front door, pulling out the spare key Roppi had given him. “I’m coming in, ‘kay? I’ll be right over to you, Hachi.” He made sure to close the door behind him, fingers twisting in his scarf as he took careful steps to Roppi and Psyche’s shared room.

 _“Tsukishima…”_ Roppi croaked from over the phone; Tsuki wasn’t sure he ever walked so fast in his life.

The room never failed to surprise him, the complete contrast from Roppi’s dark sheets to Psyche’s bright fuschia ones. Tsuki hesitated outside of the above-average sized closet. “Hachi? Can I come in?” He kept his voice low, not wanting to startle him.

Roppi spoke like he was still talking into the phone. _“I’m scared I’m gonna get blood on Psyche’s clothes.”_

“It’s gonna be okay, I’m-I’m gonna come in now, ‘kay?” Tsuki pressed a hand to the knob of the closet, hearing Roppi’s whimper of confirmation. Pulling the door open, Tsuki’s phone slipped from his fingers and clattered to the ground at the heartbreaking sight before him. Roppi’s regular long sleeved sleepwear was discarded for a loose white tank top and a pair of plain boxers. The white top was mostly smeared by red, and Roppi’s arms were covered with blood. Healed wounds inside his arms had been sliced open again, some deep and some shallow, along with jagged cuts in his legs.

“‘M sorry, Tsuki, ‘m sorry,” Roppi wrapped his arms around himself, his stained red hands scratching at his biceps. Tsuki immediately knelt down near him when the shock wore off, pulling Roppi close to his chest.

“Hachi, Hachi, it’s okay, it’s-it’s okay, Hachi, oh god, Hachi.” Tsuki shuddered, pressing his face into Roppi’s neck. He hesitated when pulling Roppi away from himself, hating the way his lower lip quivered with the effort of holding in hiccuping sobs. “Where are the b-bandages?” He whispered, knowing Roppi didn’t always keep the bandages in the bathroom in case Psyche stumbled upon them and got worried.

Roppi took a quick glance around the room, red eyes scanning for something. “Under the mattress, might not have enough.” He pressed his forehead to Tsuki’s shoulder, taking deep, shuddery breaths. Tsuki briefly kissed the crown of his head, setting Roppi to where he could lean somewhat comfortably against the closet door. He stumbled over to Roppi’s bed, seeing how his pale blue pajama shirt was now smudged with blood. Lifting up the mattress, he found the small bundle of white bandages with a roll of medical tape, and he took them back to Roppi who was sweating now and looking a little pale.

The moonlight streamed through the small window, illuminating Roppi’s striking red eyes like pools of liquid garnet. “I’m here, Hachi, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He stammered, gently taking Roppi’s left arm where most of the shallow cuts were. Roppi was left handed like the rest of his brothers. Tsuki traced his fingers over Roppi’s palm, licking his lips nervously. He carefully began wrapping part of the bandage roll around Roppi’s cuts, making sure it was snug but not too tight. “Don’t worry, Hachi, everything’s g-gonna be okay, ‘kay?” Tsuki began on Roppi’s legs next, starting at his pale thighs where the cuts where the deepest. “This is just to stop the bleeding for now, we can-we can clean them in a little bit, I’ll go buy more bandages too.” 

“Tsuki… you’re freaking out more than I am, and I’m the one bleeding.” Roppi heaved dryly, wincing at the sting of the fabric coming into contact with his cuts. When Tsuki finished taping the bandage to Roppi’s right leg, he winced when he saw the bandage roll had run out. “Hey… s’okay,” he breathed, weakly bringing his sticky, red-stained right hand to comfortingly run through Tsuki’s faux-blonde hair. He sniffed, letting out a tired groan.

Tsuki grabbed his thick scarf from around his neck, taking it off and beginning to wrap Roppi’s right arm in it, the blood would never wash out of his white scarf, but that didn’t matter now, nothing else mattered when it came to Roppi. “Not okay, I have to make sure you’re okay. Oh, oh, Hachi…” Tsuki tied the ends of his scarf in a knot, tears running wet over his lips. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "Hachi… what happened? You were fine the other day, and you know you can always come to me about this."

Roppi shrugged, "I don't know, I couldn't sleep, Psyche's gone, it was too dark, too quiet. My head started getting fuzzy and I just wanted to feel… feel something, anything. Usually louder with Psyche here, he always plays music to fall asleep." Now that Roppi's wounds weren't leaking everywhere, Tsuki pulled the photographer back to his chest, his arms around Roppi in a gentle hug.

"I'm here, I'm always here. I am, 'kay? I always am." Tsuki whispered shakily into Roppi's shoulder, unable to stop the flow of tears that soaked his face, "Please, please, I love you, please don't hurt yourself anymore." He knew it was selfish of him to say that to Roppi, and felt guilt at what was probably a type of emotional manipulation. His heart just couldn't take seeing Roppi in pain, it just couldn't. He wasn't like Tsugaru, who could handle every situation with a calm, relaxed attitude. He wasn't like Shizuo, who could handle every problem with his fists. He wasn't like Delic, who simply avoided his problems by sticking his dick in whatever warm body walked past him. Well, before Hibiya came along, that is. He was the most chicken-hearted out of all of them, and he couldn't stand seeing Roppi in pain.

Roppi sighed, slumping against him in a heap of exhaustion. "I'm trying, Tsuki, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." He hummed softly when Tsuki started muttering anxiously again.

"No, no, don't apologize, I'm sorry. I'm gonna stay here with you, okay? And in the morning we can go buy new bandages, clean your arms and legs. I should've thought to do that before, but I couldn't just waste time while you were bleeding in front of me. Oh, Hachi, Hachimen…" Tsuki bubbled, stroking his shaking hands through Roppi's black hair.

"You're gonna stay? What about Delic? He's probably worried, you leaving so suddenly." Roppi punctuated his sentence with a yawn, turning to make himself more comfortable in Tsuki's arms.

Tsuki shook his head. "No, he's probably using me not being home as an excuse to start sexting Hibiya. He'll be fine, it's Delic." Roppi let out a brittle laugh in response, seeing as Tsuki was probably right. "It's gonna be okay, Hachi, 'kay?" He murmured, and Roppi only gave a slight nod.

The two sat in the floor for a while, before Tsuki helped Roppi stand, and they shuffled over to Roppi's bed. The blonde relaxed into the black sheets, wrapping his arms around Roppi protectively, who gave a tired, semi-annoyed grunt in response. "Tsuki…?" Roppi began, inhaling deeply. The metallic scent of blood hung around in the air, but Tsuki was right next to him, and smelled like creamed honey, tinged with mint. Tsuki hummed, tilting his head a fraction of an inch. "I," Roppi took another deep breath, pausing. "I really do love you." He managed, feeling how Tsuki's body practically melted against his with gratitude.

"I love you too, Hachi. I love you so much." Tsuki whispered into the quiet of the room. Roppi felt a dry smile pull at chapped lips, allowing himself to slink off into sleep.

Morning was a rude awakening, and Roppi immediately turned into Tsuki's chest to shield his eyes from the harsh sunlight through the window. Tsuki opened his eyes to glance across the room, Psyche's side of the room was even more obnoxious during the day. "Hachi, gotta get up." He yawned, a tired laugh budding from his chest at how Roppi just nuzzled further into him. Unlike his brothers, Roppi was definitely not a morning person. "Gotta-gotta go buy the bandages, clean your cuts." His voice was laced with sleep, and he knew Roppi heard him from how his face twisted to an ugly expression.

Roppi pushed himself to a sitting position, wincing at the ache in his arms. "Right, can't you just go without me?" He clipped out, his voice low and thick.

"I could, but, either way, it isn't good for you to sleep all day. So, how 'bout I make you some tea, and-and I'll be right back." Tsuki suggested; Roppi gave a lazy nod, scooting back and sitting with his head against the wall.

"Your clothes are in the top drawer, since you keep wanting to leave them here." Roppi pointed vaguely to the dresser, with two sets of drawers, one half of them marked with pink glitter. Psyche had too many clothes. Tsuki nodded, changing out of his clothes that were stiff in spots with dried blood, pulling out a soft knit sweater and black slacks. He left the room, going into the small kitchen to make Roppi's tea. The photographer usually preferred coffee, but Tsuki assumed tea would be more relaxing after the early morning events. When it was finished he dug around in Psyche's box of sweets that were in the cabinet, pulling out the bottle of honey the energetic idol had, drizzling some into Roppi's tea.

When he came back into the room, Roppi greeted him with a twitch of his fingers; he still didn't seem fully awake. Tsuki set the cup on the table beside Roppi's bed, giving him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. "I'll be right back."

Roppi leaned in to press a kiss to Tsuki's softer mouth. "You said that already." He smiled, a small twitch of his lips, but Tsuki noticed. The blonde exited the room, going to the front door and pulling on Delic's ugly shoes that he accidentally grabbed in his 3am rush. 

A walk to the nearest pharmacy was nothing, and a soft smile crossed his face when he saw a bright pink sign with Psyche and Delic's new album cover on it. Psyche's tour was for a small, solo, experimental project; his and Delic's music still took front and center. He picked up the medical bandages quickly, grabbing a tube of antibiotic cream in case Roppi had run out and forgotten. He made it back to the apartment in record time, not wanting to leave Roppi by himself for longer than he needed to.

"Hachi, I'm back! Hachimen, I got the bandages, and some extra cream too. I'll ready the washcloth, and I'll be right in!" Taking off Delic's shoes at the door, his voice echoed in the otherwise empty apartment, and he made a beeline for the bathroom. Grabbing a washcloth, he went to wash his hands and wet the cloth with some warm water, knocking tubes and palettes of makeup out of the way. "God, even when Psyche isn't here, he's still everywhere." He grumbled under his breath, hesitating before washing the washcloth over again with some soap. Gathering all of his items again, he went back to the room Roppi was in.

The photographer was sipping at his cup, holding it with one shaky hand. In his other hand he held his phone, which he aimlessly scrolled through. "Ah, Tsuki, hi." He greeted simply, setting down his cup and phone. "Gonna play doctor on me?" He gave a teasing grin, something that Tsuki swore was genetic. Tsuki sat on the bed beside his boyfriend, smiling sweetly as he pulled Roppi's pale hands into his lap. Kissing the knuckles of his left hand, Roppi snorted. "Wrong brother, Tsuki."

Tsuki chuckled, beginning to unwrap the bandages from before. Roppi hissed as his bloody skin stuck to the once white bandages. "Sorry-" Tsuki chirped, trying to be as gentle as possible as he pulled the bandages from his legs. Roppi's eyes started to silently gather tears at the sting when Tsuki pulled his bloodied scarf from his left arm. "Sorry again-" Tsuki whimpered, taking the wet rag and wiping it carefully over Roppi's cuts. Once he finished with the rag, now stained red, he set it aside. Tsuki then uncapped the antibiotic cream, rubbing it over Roppi's wounds with gentle fingers. He looked up at Roppi, meeting his scarlet eyes with hesitance, asking silently if it was okay.

"S'alright, Tsuk. Your hands feel nice, anyways, always really soft." Roppi muttered, his words slipping together as he still hadn't woken up completely. Tsuki smiled at him, a soft flush on his face as he continued. When he was sure the cream had been rubbed in efficiently, he took the clean bandages and applied them to Roppi's arms and legs the right way this time. When he finished taping them down, he looked back up at his red eyed lover with a smile. Roppi snuffed out what was probably supposed to be a laugh, grabbing Tsuki's glasses from somewhere on the bed and placing them on his face, stealing a kiss on his way. "You're a dork. You lost these sometime last night." He leaned back down again to capture Tsuki's lips in another gentle kiss, making a pleased sound when the blonde returned the gesture for a few moments before pulling away.

Tsuki pressed one more quick kiss to the corner of Roppi's mouth, taking the photographer's hand in his. "Wanna go get Russia Sushi?" He proposed, knowing how, just like the rest of his brothers, Roppi had a deep love for the place.

Roppi held back a smile, but nodded anyways. "You didn't even have to ask," he assured, slowly getting out of his bed. "You'll have to give me a moment, though. Might take me a sec to get dressed." He nudged the closet open, grabbing his black coat, which look almost identical to Izaya's save for the red fur trim, then rummaged around in his dresser for some plain black clothes. 

"Still not much for color, huh?" Tsuki teased, keeping his gaze away out of respect while Roppi changed.

"When I start dressing like those pink idiots, hire a hitman to kill me." Roppi shot back, snark in his dry tone. Tsuki couldn't help but laugh, sure, maybe not many people found Roppi charming, but as he walks out of the apartment, Roppi's hand held firmly in his, he felt lucky that he was the one person Roppi chose to voluntarily spend his time with, because he didn't think anything could make him happier.

**Author's Note:**

> so that was that, if you enjoyed, kudos and comments are always appreciated!! im open to hearing criticism as well (seeing as i did write this an entire year ago and am just now posting it) i know its not quite another "shizaya" fic like i promised, but its the alts so they count for something. thanks for reading!!


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